You Are Loved

You are loved. How do I know this? Because I love you. You might be wondering what you have done to deserve this love. Or, you might be asking how I could love you without knowing you. Or even how I could love you when you feel so obviously unlovable…because of who you are or what you’ve done or because THEY don’t love you like they should.

But know this… my love for you is not based on you. That’s right. It’s not based on you. Sorry to say. My love for you exists not because you’ve accomplished something. Or because you look or act a certain way. It’s not because you make me feel good, or we agree on politics, or come from the same place, or because you may love me. 

My love for you is based on my capacity to love. That’s right…my ability to love you is based on me.

I don’t need you to be something specific or to show up in a certain way in order to love you. I am able to love you because of who I am and the work I’ve done. Not to brag. 

And that means, anyone who has not been able to love you fully or in the right ways…that’s not because of you. That’s not because you are not lovable. Or that you’ve behaved wrongly. Their inability to love you is a reflection of their own capacity to love. 

And I say this without judgement of them. If it were easy for them, they would increase their capacity to love. I know this because of how much better it feels to love others, as opposed to hate, or disdain, or judge others. And humans are pleasure seeking and pain avoiding creatures. And so I know, if the ones who are not able to fully love you, could open their hearts without fear of pain, they would do so. Immediately. And without hesitation. 

And I acknowledge there is still room for me to grow my own capacity for love. If I am unable to love something fully, I know that is my work to do and no one else’s. No one need mold them self into someone more lovable…I need to better understand them, to develop greater compassion, to see things from their perspective. But my inability to love them is not based on them. 

And if you are struggling to widen your own capacity to love, start by working to love yourself. Start by forgiving yourself and showing yourself compassion. Believe in your own good intentions and the knowing that you’ve done your best, whatever that looks like. Because I know you did your best. And I did my best. And we have all done our best with whatever resources we’ve had, what DNA we were born with, what information we had at the time, and what we thought was true. I know, even if (according to someone else or even society) you’ve messed up as much as a person can mess up, I know that you were doing your best. And if you could have done better, you would have. We all would have. 

So, I invite you to rest now, knowing there is nothing you could do or anyway you could show up that could make you more lovable. Because the ability for someone to love you lies solely within them and their capacity to love. Everyone is inherently, unconditionally lovable, including you. 

Take comfort in knowing there are those with the unlimited capacity to love you, just as you are today…however you are. You belong.